In a fog…

For those that are not located here in the Omaha metro area, here is your weather report…we experienced dense fog from Sunday late afternoon through Monday overnight.  It seemed to just linger and hang there and just wouldn’t go away.  It caused limited visibility, lack of energy and motivation and even some down and depressed moods.

Well, that is what I feel like today and the fog outside is gone.

The human body is amazing to me as are the concepts of psychology and sociology.  I have a great interest in why we do the things we do.  I tend to analyze (and over-analyze things)…especially when it is something I am going through myself.  So as I promised before I am going to share with you what is happening with me in the hopes that it helps one or more of you eventually.  Communication is such a key component in life and is one that I think many people don’t do enough of.  I believe in being transparent and open.  This is my life, this is what I am going through, it is an open book…read it!  Open communication not only helps with your own stress management, but also helps those around you to understand what you are going through and maybe why you are acting the way you are acting.  Let’s face it, the things we go through dictate the way we act and what mood we are in.  (Remember that 90% of behavior is governed by the unconscious mind.)

So back to my fog…
The symptoms I am experiencing are:
– Lack of claritiy and focus (limited visibility…hence the fog)
– Mind racing and jumping from one thing to the next
– Ocassional feelings of nervousness/anxiety
– Fatigue (who am I kidding…I have felt fatigue since my little guy was born 3 months ago…LOL!)
– Lack of motivation/energy
– General feeling of sadness (though I am still able to maintain a somewhat chipper demeanor!)

Now the analyzing:
(I feel like I should be lying on a couch for some reason…wonder if I should charge myself for this?!)
I believe that the amount of stress I (and others in mine and my husband’s families) have seen over the last 13 months is more than a typical person sees in that amount of time.  Since December of 2011 the following has happened:
– My husband’s grandmother died
– My paternal grandfather was in a car accident and hospitalized long term
– My maternal grandfather was hospitalized battling prostate cancer and heart issues.
– My husband and I experienced a miscarriage
– My husband’s father became ill and was hospitalized long term
– We learned I was pregnant again
– We experienced complications with the pregnancy
– My paternal grandmother fell and was hospitalized for what was believed to be a stroke (and ended up being hospitalized long term)
– One of my paternal aunt’s was hospitalized and diagnosed with a rare lung disease with a grim prognosis
– I was put on temporary bed rest due to continued complications with the pregnancy
– My oldest son started preschool
– I was hospitalized for bleeding and then put on permanent bed rest
– My mom had hip surgery
– My husband’s father died
– I gave birth to our son, experienced internal bleeding and almost didn’t make it through
– My maternal grandmother had surgery on her hand
– My paternal aunt with the lung disease died
– My paternal grandfather was transitioned to hospice care
– My husband’s grandfather developed bladder cancer
– My paternal grandfather is dying and will not likely make it through the next 24-48 hours

I am sure I probably forgot something, but you get the gist of what the last 13 months have looked like for us.

So my analysis is that my mind and body are experiencing an overload of everything and trying to process the stress and that is causing the fog that I am in.  We all have known and been expecting “the end” with my paternal grandfather, but I think that with that end being so near now that it is causing me to relive everything that has led up to this.
So if you are one of the lucky ones that gets to interact with me, I apologize if I seem to be in a funk or a fog so to speak.  I am doing my best to maintain a positive attitude and a sense of normalcy for my children and for the sake of my work but I am sure that all will notice that I am just not quite “myself” today.

So I will “hug-a-mug” and try to refocus and work on the things I love…helping others acheive a healthy and happy life!  I am very excited to have so many great programs starting back up (and even some new ones happening) at work!

Here is wishing everybody a fog-free day and maybe even some sunshine!!  🙂
Make today a fantastic day!!

A special moment…

Last Friday evening my family and I were blessed greatly to witness and share in a very special moment between my youngest son Liam and my paternal grandfather.

Now to understand this moment a little better, I am going to share a little back-story information with you first.
In mid-December of 2011, my grandfather was in a car accident which broke his neck and landed him in the hospital with a trach and on a ventilator.  He has been in the hospital and/or long-term care ever since with limited mobility/function in his arms and he is still on the ventilator.
Last Tuesday he was transitioned from traditional medical care to hospice care.  After being in this situation for over a year, his body is beginning to shut down and he has decided that fighting so hard is becoming increasingly difficult.  Sadly, the plan now is to just keep him comfortable and let nature take its course.

So, my parents, brother, sister, husband, our youngest son Liam and I all went to my grandfather’s long-term care facility Friday night for a visit and to essentially say “good-bye” to him.  My grandmother (his wife) is currently in the same long-term care facility with health problems of her own.  She was excited to see us all and joined us in my grandfather’s room for our visit along with one of my uncle’s and aunt who were there eating dinner with my grandmother.

Liam was sleeping in his carseat when we arrived and about 10 minutes in to our visit began to awake and stir.  So I removed him from the carseat and took him over to my grandfather’s bedside to introduce him to his newest great-grandchild.  My grandfather’s face lit up and he even had the slightest hint of a smile on his face!  He reached up and grabbed Liam’s little hand and the two of them sat and stared smiling back and forth at each other for several minutes.  It was like they were in their own little world.  Neither could speak, but they communicated with each other just fine.  I may be mistaken, but I think I even saw a tear form in my grandfather’s eye. 

I saw one man coming toward the end of his time here on earth reflecting on all that he has accomplished and another little man just beginning his journey with endless opportunities and possiblities ahead of him.  And then it dawned on me…one of my grandfather’s accomplishments was my son, his newest great grandchild…for from my grandfather and grandmother came my father and from my father and mother came me and from my husband and me came this sweet baby.  Without my grandfather none of it would have been possible.

To me personally, that moment was a painful yet beautiful reminder that with every end comes a new beginning.
So the next time you are grieving an end…remember to also celebrate the new beginnings, whatever they may be.

To my grandfather:
I love you and will miss you.  You have taught me incredible determination and perseverance watching you fight through this journey for the last 13 months.  I promise you will live on through the memories, stories and pictures I share with my children about you.