Tag Archives: anxiety

Unseen Battles

We each have things in life that make our hearts smile and shine bright.  For me that involves a number of things including family, photography, travel, reading, creating art, writing and making a difference in the lives of others.

We also each have moments where our hearts don’t shine as bright.  For everyone this is different and for some it can last single fleeting moments and for others may last hours, days, weeks, etc.

I suffer from bouts of anxiety and depression, as I am fairly certain all humans do in some capacity.  I suffer to a degree that I am on medication to help with the severity of the episodes.  Again, I know I am not alone in that experience, however it is not commonly accepted to be open about that.  I also know that there are many that suffer in silence and do not seek treatment in fear of being judged or those that have attempted to talk with their doctor about it and not been taken seriously.  I am lucky to have a doctor that listened to me, took my concerns to heart, talked me through everything and connected me with the proper professional for analysis and treatment.

Now many may have stopped reading already and thought that this does not apply to them or it is just another story about mental health.  For those that are still with me, thank you.  Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you and thank you for being open to learning more to either help yourself or help somebody you love.
My hope is that by sharing my experience of what it feels like during my episodes that you or someone you love may find value in it or maybe even benefit from it.

The anxiety sometimes creeps up on me.  I may feel a twinge of doubt or nervousness but it will disappear as quickly as it came.  Then another twinge followed by another and another until my heart is racing, my chest feels tight and heavy and my stomach feels like it is in my throat.  During this time my head feels like a pinball machine with non-defined ‘thoughts’ bouncing around in my brain.  Focus is near impossible and motivation has gone out the door and around the block.  I feel worried and nervous for no apparent reason and as if I am crawling out of my own skin.  I know the feelings are irrational, unwarranted and definitely unwanted; but in the midst of it I am seemingly powerless to change it.


A visual from nature to help explain anxiety and the way it feels as if you are crawling out of your own skin.

Other times all of those feelings will simply pounce on me out of the blue; usually when I am winding down for the night or as soon as I wake in the morning.  No matter if it is a sneak attack or an all-at-once blow, it is a terrible feeling and something very difficult to control.


The other episodes I deal with are those of depression, which often like to jump in on the fun alongside anxiety.  While many believe that depression involves feeling sad or blue, I choose to explain it more as a feeling of emptiness.  During times of the deepest depression I truly feel….nothing; empty; invisible.  We all have moments (especially women) where we feel inferior or doubt our abilities or worth.  Take those moments and multiply them by one hundred and then extend them out for awhile; that is close to what depression feels like for me.  When these bouts hit me, my inner hermit appears.  I want to crawl into a cave and hide, never to come out.  I often find that during these episodes I feel extremely tired; which I personally think is my body’s way of coping.  If I sleep, I can’t ‘feel’ the emptiness and the loneliness.

So why am I sharing this with you?  Because I am one of the lucky ones.  Lucky to be in tune with myself; my body, my heart, my mind, my spirit.  Lucky to recognize when something isn’t quite right.  Lucky to have a trusted doctor, friends and family that support me through these discoveries.  Lucky to know that I am not alone in this battle, even when it feels like I am.  Lucky to be proud of who I am and not let this define me.

Others are not as lucky.  Others are suffering in silence and fear.  Others are unarmed and unaware of the battle they are up against.  Others have stood up to fight and hit obstacles only to surrender and give up hope for any relief.

I share this with you today to let you know that you are not alone; you do not need to fight unarmed or surrender; you are worth it; you are loved; and the world needs you.  Do not sit silently and suffer.  Reach out to those you love and trust.  If you hit an obstacle, do not give up.  Find a way around that obstacle; go over, under, around or through.

And if you do not know what it is like to live these battles, please understand that there are many around you that do.  Be kind and understanding to others always; as everybody you meet has their own battles and their own story.

Until next time…♥♥





That thing you have been avoiding…do it!


The majority of people have something they are avoiding or are procrastinating doing.  I am no exception.  I promised to use this blog to help others learn from my life experiences…so here we go.

I am not proud to admit this to you all because by trade I am a wellness professional and make a living helping guide people on how to best take care of themselves and live a full, healthy and happy life.  But I am human and I too have things that I don’t do as well as I should, even when I know better.  My main avoidance for many years (we are talking 10-15 years) has been the dentist.  That’s right…I have not been to the dentist in over a decade.


The truth is that I have very high anxiety when it comes to going to the dentist, which made it very easy for me to completely avoid it!  Once it was my responsibility to schedule appointments, I just didn’t schedule them.  I started off with just procrastinating and putting it off.  Then I started using excuses to rationalize why I hadn’t gone yet…I moved away for college, then it was I don’t have dental insurance, then it was I am pregnant (not a good excuse, by the way), then it was I am pregnant again, and again and again and again (yep 5 pregnancies), and then it was that we moved to a new part of town and I didn’t have a dentist in that area.  When in reality I just really, really, really, really, really, really didn’t want to go!

I am happy to say, however, that I finally made an appointment with a local dentist and had my first appointment yesterday! The hygienist and the dentist were both amazing and made me feel very comfortable.  They talked me through everything without scolding me or making me feel bad (or worse than I already was making myself feel) for not seeing a dentist all these years.  They completely changed my perception of going to the dentist and eased my anxiety that surrounded it.  For all you locals…check out Paragon Dental in Papillion.  Dr. Carter is awesome!  And best of all…no cavities or major dental work needed for me!  Woohoo!  One old cavity needs to be refilled (boo) and I need to have at least one wisdom tooth pulled (double boo), but nothing else!  I was convinced I was going to need to have crowns or root canals or other terrifying things done because I had waited so long.

We all have that one (or maybe more) thing(s) that we would just rather not do.  When we put it off and avoid it, it gets bigger and bigger in our minds until we feel guilt and stress every time we think about it.  Soon we start to feel shame for putting it off for so long and that just adds to the guilt and stress and eventually it gets to a point where you feel as if you can’t do it now because you have put it off for too long.

I am here to tell you that it is ok to feel anxious, nervous, stressed, etc. about these things.  But you need to own those feelings and still move forward and confront the task at hand.  And it is never too late to start now.  The thing that helped me most was that I was upfront and honest about it, both with myself and with others.  When I called to make the appointment, I let the person I was speaking with know that I was in search of a new dentist because I hadn’t been in a very long time due to anxiety and fear.  She assured me that I was coming to the right place then because they don’t judge and are happy to help me any way they can.  I let the dentist and the hygienist know as soon as I met them that I was very nervous and they walked me through everything step by step with no judgment.  Not that they wouldn’t have been that way anyway, but I am sure that it helped for them to know that right away so they could take extra care of what they were saying and how they were saying it to keep my nerves at ease.  Life always works out better when we openly communicate with each other.  Others can’t read our minds so we shouldn’t expect them to.  It is difficult for anybody to live up to our expectations if we don’t tell them what we are expecting of them.  So be honest with yourself and be honest with others and face that thing you have been avoiding.  You can do it!

Until next time,
Be kind to yourself and others!