Tag Archives: Behavior

General / Miscellaneous, Health / Wellness

That thing you have been avoiding…do it!

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The majority of people have something they are avoiding or are procrastinating doing.  I am no exception.  I promised to use this blog to help others learn from my life experiences…so here we go.

I am not proud to admit this to you all because by trade I am a wellness professional and make a living helping guide people on how to best take care of themselves and live a full, healthy and happy life.  But I am human and I too have things that I don’t do as well as I should, even when I know better.  My main avoidance for many years (we are talking 10-15 years) has been the dentist.  That’s right…I have not been to the dentist in over a decade.

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The truth is that I have very high anxiety when it comes to going to the dentist, which made it very easy for me to completely avoid it!  Once it was my responsibility to schedule appointments, I just didn’t schedule them.  I started off with just procrastinating and putting it off.  Then I started using excuses to rationalize why I hadn’t gone yet…I moved away for college, then it was I don’t have dental insurance, then it was I am pregnant (not a good excuse, by the way), then it was I am pregnant again, and again and again and again (yep 5 pregnancies), and then it was that we moved to a new part of town and I didn’t have a dentist in that area.  When in reality I just really, really, really, really, really, really didn’t want to go!

I am happy to say, however, that I finally made an appointment with a local dentist and had my first appointment yesterday! The hygienist and the dentist were both amazing and made me feel very comfortable.  They talked me through everything without scolding me or making me feel bad (or worse than I already was making myself feel) for not seeing a dentist all these years.  They completely changed my perception of going to the dentist and eased my anxiety that surrounded it.  For all you locals…check out Paragon Dental in Papillion.  Dr. Carter is awesome!  And best of all…no cavities or major dental work needed for me!  Woohoo!  One old cavity needs to be refilled (boo) and I need to have at least one wisdom tooth pulled (double boo), but nothing else!  I was convinced I was going to need to have crowns or root canals or other terrifying things done because I had waited so long.

We all have that one (or maybe more) thing(s) that we would just rather not do.  When we put it off and avoid it, it gets bigger and bigger in our minds until we feel guilt and stress every time we think about it.  Soon we start to feel shame for putting it off for so long and that just adds to the guilt and stress and eventually it gets to a point where you feel as if you can’t do it now because you have put it off for too long.

I am here to tell you that it is ok to feel anxious, nervous, stressed, etc. about these things.  But you need to own those feelings and still move forward and confront the task at hand.  And it is never too late to start now.  The thing that helped me most was that I was upfront and honest about it, both with myself and with others.  When I called to make the appointment, I let the person I was speaking with know that I was in search of a new dentist because I hadn’t been in a very long time due to anxiety and fear.  She assured me that I was coming to the right place then because they don’t judge and are happy to help me any way they can.  I let the dentist and the hygienist know as soon as I met them that I was very nervous and they walked me through everything step by step with no judgment.  Not that they wouldn’t have been that way anyway, but I am sure that it helped for them to know that right away so they could take extra care of what they were saying and how they were saying it to keep my nerves at ease.  Life always works out better when we openly communicate with each other.  Others can’t read our minds so we shouldn’t expect them to.  It is difficult for anybody to live up to our expectations if we don’t tell them what we are expecting of them.  So be honest with yourself and be honest with others and face that thing you have been avoiding.  You can do it!

Until next time,
Be kind to yourself and others!

Kids / Parenting

Teachable Moments

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I experienced some very good teachable moments with the kids today.

First I took them to the Jones Brothers Easter Egg hunt in Stinson Park.  I warned them ahead of time that there would be a LOT of other people there so we may not get any eggs and not to let that upset them because we will get lots of eggs from the Easter Bunny tonight so it is ok if we don’t get any today. We are going just to have a little fun.

There were in fact LOTS and LOTS of people there and the announcer said “Go” and the kids took off running…Lexi was run into and ended up falling to the ground and Liam didn’t know what was going on. Logan and Austin each got one egg and a mom with a very sweet little boy (who was probably only 2) came over with 3 eggs in his basket. She encouraged him to share one with Liam and one with Lexi since they didn’t get any. (Lexi was in tears this whole time because she fell and because she didn’t get any eggs). It was the sweetest thing and such a great moment to remind the kids that no matter how little somebody has, the nice and right thing to do is to share with others that have less than we do. It was good for them to see both sides of that. Thank you again to the wonderful mom and little boy that shared with my children!

Next we went to Jones Brothers for cupcakes and waited in line outside the door to get in. Once inside we followed the line ahead of us toward the counter and suddenly a woman starts yelling at me for cutting. Being that I had been waiting in line this whole time and was simply following the line that was in front of me, I had no idea what she was talking about. I spoke calmly with her and apologized that she was so upset but didn’t see how it was my fault or why I deserved the way she was treating me. Obviously she was very upset and I happened to be the person in the wrong place at the wrong time that fell in direct line of her attack. I, however, never lost my temper, never raised my voice and maintained a smile on my face (which secretly I think made her even more mad…lol!) the whole time. The other woman she was with joined in on the attack and instead of attacking back, I simply smiled and let them go ahead of us.  They then turned their attack on the poor girls at the counter that were working their tails off to try to serve everybody as quickly as possible.

The kids and I then got up to the counter to pay and I apologized to the girls at the counter for the treatment they had just received.  I thanked them for their incredible service and let them know that I admired the way they were handling such a busy day and such a stressful environment.

After finishing their cupcakes and walking back to our car, I sat and asked the kids what they thought about the day and what had happened.  They said they had a good time and were happy we went!  I asked them what they thought about the little boy that shared his Easter Eggs with us leaving only one for himself.  They said they thought he was very nice for sharing with Lexi and Liam and I emphasized again the importance of sharing and helping others even if we don’t have a lot to share or give.  I reminded them of how good that made them feel when somebody shared with them and that we want to treat others the same way as that little boy did with them.

Next I asked them what they thought about how the ladies acted in the cupcake store.  “Not cool” my oldest said.  We discussed how the women were angry and how they yelled at mommy.  “Did mommy get mad at them and yell back or push them or hit them or scream at them?” I asked.  “No, you talked it through with them!” they proudly answered!  I reminded them that even though it did make mommy upset that those women were yelling at me, it was important to stay calm and talk with them to try to make things better.  I also told them that even though mommy stayed calm and didn’t yell and tried to talk with the women, they were still angry and even though it didn’t fix things, it also didn’t make it worse.  I told them that sometimes not everybody will be nice or act the right way and we can’t fix that, but what we can do is stay calm and treat them better than they are treating us.  And if it gets really bad, to just walk away and go ask for help if you need to.

I am so very proud of my kids for they way they acted today.  They stuck together, they listened to mommy, they helped comfort each other when one of them was sad, they showed true gratitude to somebody that helped them and shared with them, they waited patiently in line for cupcakes without acting up and they quietly watched and learned from me during a stressful situation.  And most importantly they shared their thoughts and feelings with me and we had a great discussion about what we could learn from what we had experienced.  Love those little ankle-biters!  🙂

Until next time…be kind to one another and take every teachable moment life offers you.

General / Miscellaneous, Health / Wellness

In a fog…

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For those that are not located here in the Omaha metro area, here is your weather report…we experienced dense fog from Sunday late afternoon through Monday overnight.  It seemed to just linger and hang there and just wouldn’t go away.  It caused limited visibility, lack of energy and motivation and even some down and depressed moods.

Well, that is what I feel like today and the fog outside is gone.

The human body is amazing to me as are the concepts of psychology and sociology.  I have a great interest in why we do the things we do.  I tend to analyze (and over-analyze things)…especially when it is something I am going through myself.  So as I promised before I am going to share with you what is happening with me in the hopes that it helps one or more of you eventually.  Communication is such a key component in life and is one that I think many people don’t do enough of.  I believe in being transparent and open.  This is my life, this is what I am going through, it is an open book…read it!  Open communication not only helps with your own stress management, but also helps those around you to understand what you are going through and maybe why you are acting the way you are acting.  Let’s face it, the things we go through dictate the way we act and what mood we are in.  (Remember that 90% of behavior is governed by the unconscious mind.)

So back to my fog…
The symptoms I am experiencing are:
– Lack of claritiy and focus (limited visibility…hence the fog)
– Mind racing and jumping from one thing to the next
– Ocassional feelings of nervousness/anxiety
– Fatigue (who am I kidding…I have felt fatigue since my little guy was born 3 months ago…LOL!)
– Lack of motivation/energy
– General feeling of sadness (though I am still able to maintain a somewhat chipper demeanor!)

Now the analyzing:
(I feel like I should be lying on a couch for some reason…wonder if I should charge myself for this?!)
I believe that the amount of stress I (and others in mine and my husband’s families) have seen over the last 13 months is more than a typical person sees in that amount of time.  Since December of 2011 the following has happened:
– My husband’s grandmother died
– My paternal grandfather was in a car accident and hospitalized long term
– My maternal grandfather was hospitalized battling prostate cancer and heart issues.
– My husband and I experienced a miscarriage
– My husband’s father became ill and was hospitalized long term
– We learned I was pregnant again
– We experienced complications with the pregnancy
– My paternal grandmother fell and was hospitalized for what was believed to be a stroke (and ended up being hospitalized long term)
– One of my paternal aunt’s was hospitalized and diagnosed with a rare lung disease with a grim prognosis
– I was put on temporary bed rest due to continued complications with the pregnancy
– My oldest son started preschool
– I was hospitalized for bleeding and then put on permanent bed rest
– My mom had hip surgery
– My husband’s father died
– I gave birth to our son, experienced internal bleeding and almost didn’t make it through
– My maternal grandmother had surgery on her hand
– My paternal aunt with the lung disease died
– My paternal grandfather was transitioned to hospice care
– My husband’s grandfather developed bladder cancer
– My paternal grandfather is dying and will not likely make it through the next 24-48 hours

I am sure I probably forgot something, but you get the gist of what the last 13 months have looked like for us.

So my analysis is that my mind and body are experiencing an overload of everything and trying to process the stress and that is causing the fog that I am in.  We all have known and been expecting “the end” with my paternal grandfather, but I think that with that end being so near now that it is causing me to relive everything that has led up to this.
So if you are one of the lucky ones that gets to interact with me, I apologize if I seem to be in a funk or a fog so to speak.  I am doing my best to maintain a positive attitude and a sense of normalcy for my children and for the sake of my work but I am sure that all will notice that I am just not quite “myself” today.

So I will “hug-a-mug” and try to refocus and work on the things I love…helping others acheive a healthy and happy life!  I am very excited to have so many great programs starting back up (and even some new ones happening) at work!

Here is wishing everybody a fog-free day and maybe even some sunshine!!  🙂
Make today a fantastic day!!